AM I EVIL?
Now I don’t know about you guys…
But this question haunts me from the day I got my first metal album. I guess it was Kill ‘em all and the song was Seek and Destroy.
I heard it once and believe me I had never heard anything like it. Before I was listening to Enrique and Bryan Adams and all the boy band Bull shit I could find but this song, it really got me…
I mean it was brutal and the lyrics were so damn rebellious that it just altered my world. My whole perspective towards life changed. I could see what life was really like, and i feel a monster inside me was liberated with an “I don’t give a shit” attitude.
The fucked up shit this world is full of started twisting and turning in my head. I became conscious of the hatred, violence and hypocrisy of the world, and i was VERY pissed off.
And this was just the start!
I became the guy who hated normal. I liked weird and complicated cause complicated is interesting better than normal. It was like there is no point in living unless you can make them remember your name for bloody 1000 years. There was no point in living like a guy with a job and a house and a wife and then kids and stuff. Who remembers that guy, who even cares about him. But there was a point in living life like a rollercoaster, like there is a new beginning every day, like there are more places to go, more killing to do, more bitches to fuck, like a rock star.
Now for some people metal or rock and roll is a passage for violence. Most of the people I know became more expressive and active when they started listening to METAL. But I got quite reserved. I became mellow and silent. I had crazy thoughts revolving around my head that I could not share, that I could not just blurt out. And that made me more insane. Left me so confused, it almost gave me a nervous breakdown…
Then the writing started. I just started out writing whatever that was coming inside my head. Whatever that keeps coming up. Whatever dark thoughts I was thinking. And that made it all go away.
It’s a crazy world. They are right I guess. You got to share your feelings to feel fine. I was not sharing it with a person. I just shared with it a Note book, Journal.
Me and my metal
Now most parents want their kid to become a successful business man, or an engineer, or a doctor or something like that. ..And the place where I grew up, these were the only possible things you were supposed to do as you grew up.
And as mentioned earlier, my thoughts were sick. There was no place for me in the normal crowd. I hated that place. Metal gave me something to belong to.. Now i can say the savior of my life is HEAVY METAL. And I am fucking proud of it. Cheers!!
Metal is angry. You can relate to it. So many meanings. Something for everyone. Good Day or bad it will get inside your mind at the end of the day. Your best buddy.
To quote Rob Zombie,
“Nobody wants to be a weird kid. You just become one. You have no idea how you got there but you know that you are loving it. And you than start searching for more weird kids like you and than there is this group of weird kids.m/